Thursday, 24 March 2016

How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work






LDR




I've been thinking about writing a post like this for a while, but wanted to wait until I felt like I've done a fair stint in a long distance relationship ("LDR") first. It's been almost a year now - Michael and I are happily engaged and extremely excited about the life we are going to start together so I guess now is the right time to share my survival tips with you all.

I hope that I'm able to help at least one person, because I know that I certainly struggled at the beginning and would constantly be reading up on other people's experiences and PRAYING for a happy ending.

Before I met Michael I was adamant I wouldn't even consider dating somebody outside of London. Funny how life works. We knew it would be difficult, and in an ideal world, the both of us would obviously have preferred to have fallen for someone that didn't live 5,000 miles across the world, but since meeting each other we knew we wouldn't just be able to walk out of each others lives - we had to at least try to make it work.

I should also mention that I can be the jealous type and need lots of attention so I've definitely had to adapt. So here's what I've learnt since being in a long distance relationship about not only surviving one, but how to flourish in one.


Establish boundaries from the get go

Being miles apart allows room for insecurity and jealousy to creep in. Straight away, Michael & I made it clear with each other that if we were going to give us a go, that we would be exclusive to each other until the day we decide to call it quits. Even if you don't decide to do the same - make sure you both know where you stand and what is and isn't acceptable within the parameters of your relationship.

Book a flight


LDR


Michael and I try not to let too much time go without having a date to look forward to (usually seeing each other) It's expensive and might not always be an option for everyone, but we have somehow managed to always have a flight booked to see each other - the countdown app gets abused, and we're forever counting down the days. It makes it so much easier knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel and we'll be with each other soon. We also agreed between ourselves never to go 3 months without seeing each other but everyone will be different. Personally for me, this agreement keeps me sane.

Plan something together

We try to have a little project together during the time we are apart to keep us busy and this also allows us to bond. At the moment we are doing Bible reading Marriage plans together which has been fun and is helping to bring us closer together spiritually and emotionally. We're also currently planning the engagement so that keeps us busy and is something for us to look forward to! Other things you could do together could be as simple as planning a special skype date, helping one another look for a new job/house, planning a vacation, watching a series together online or on Netflix and talking about it, reading the same book, etc...

Make a decision

How long are you willing to be long distant for? Who is eventually going to move to who? Where will you live? Get talking about these things... the sooner the better.

Trust

There is absolutely no space in a long distance relationship for doubt or mistrust of your partner. NONE whatsoever. If you do not trust this person vehemently with every fibre of your being then I'm sorry to say but this relationship is not going to last. Imagine being 5,000 miles away from someone you don't trust? You'd drive yourself mad! It's not worth your sanity...



Funeral

Patience

Okay this one here is a hard one. Especially, if you're like me and you want everything now. When you're in a long distance relationship that's just not going to happen.  You want a hug. Now. You want to go on a date. Tomorrow. You're horny and need some loving. Yesterday. Sorry to break it to you but unless you have got that billionaire money and a private jet - it's not going to happen. So you really need to find some inner peace within you to give you the strength to accept your current situation and deal with it the best you can.  You need to be able to accept that instead of a long hug you might have to settle for a quick facetime call instead. If you can really find peace with that and learn to appreciate and embrace your relationship for what it is - that means really making the most of what you have right now and not comparing yourself to people around you who get to see their partner whenever they want. If you can accept that - and still look at your relationship like it's the most beautiful and special thing in the world to you - I think you'll be just fine.

Xoxo







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